Perfection.

Today I was thinking, as I often do, about the things that I want out of life, what I want from God, the things that I think would make my life perfect.

God has been teaching me a thing or two about my ideas of perfection. One thing He is teaching me is that my ideas of perfection are not constant, they are subject to change. God's plans are so definite. I can sometimes get frustrated with God for not having all the things that I want right now, but an instant later I have changed my plan or my picture goes from being perfect to being scary and too set in stone.

In my Bible study a few days ago I read about God's tasks for us versus his calling over our lives. I found such encouragement in her words about what it means to follow God daily:

"In our human need for security and sameness, we tend to want one job assignment from God that we can do for the rest of our lives. He's far more creative than that!"

I think it would be scarier for me to find my perfect plan and stick to it, than to live life step by step, day by day with the Lord. God doesn't do things the way we would do them because he thinks bigger and he sees such a broader picture. (Isaiah 55:8-9) He also does everything out of love.

Another thing God challenged me to think about is why perfection to me is attached to so many titles: wife, mother, insert job title here... :) I've been thinking, Does having my hands full make me more me?

Here is what I read yesterday:
" Does it make you a king to have more and more cedar? Did not your father have food and drink? He did what was right and just, so all went well with him. He defended the cause of the poor and needy, and so all went well. Is that not what it means to know me?"
Jeremiah 22: 15-16

God wants us to live surrendered to him, not bound to our perfect plans. I don't believe that wanting those things is wrong, but I think I tend to feel the most weary when I live life waiting on things or titles rather than waiting on God. And do you want to know what the most perfect part of this lesson is? The result of God teaching me this has been him bringing me into a really satisfied place. And that feels like perfection.

Freedom.

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland."

Isaiah 43:18-19

For the past few weeks I've been going through a Beth Moore study called "Jesus the One and Only" at my church and it worked out just perfectly that I am in Isaiah for my regular reading. It has been so amazing reading about God's promise and then seeing so clearly the fulfillment of that promise through Jesus.

This week God has been showing me something that I tend to take for granted; the blessing of living under his new covenant! In Isaiah God tells us that he is bringing this new covenant for two reasons; to bring glory to his name, and because of his great love for us! I don't think God's love for me has ever been so evident, so perfectly clear, as in this book of the Bible. Needless to say I think it is my favorite.

I think one reason why it's my favorite so far is because throughout the Old Testament I've read about God's promise to Israel and his love for them. I've been reading about this chosen people and I think I felt a little bit like an outsider. In Isaiah God extends his promise to all people! You can't even imagine the joy that sprang up in me when I read:

"It is too small a thing for you to be my servant to restore the tribes of Jacob and bring back those of Israel I have kept. I will also make you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring my salvation to the ends of the earth."

Isaiah 49:6

But that isn't all. God didn't just remind me how amazing it is to be included, he also reminded me how exciting it is to be free! Yesterday in my study I read about when Jesus talked about John, he said "I tell you, among those born of women there is no one greater than John; yet the one who is least in the kingdom of God is greater than he." (Luke 7:28) Jesus was saying that those of us who are blessed enough to live on this side of Calvary are even greater than the voice in the desert calling "prepare the way for the Lord!" John didn't get to live in the freedom of the new covenant. That's how amazing it is to live as a testimony to God's promise. To be free!

I wish I could put words to my joy, my gratitude to God for his goodness. There are loads of verses I wish I could share but you'll just have to read for yourself and I'm sure he'll show you how much he loves you! I am going to share a song though, not only because I have been slightly obsessed with Kim Walker lately, but because this song brings me so much joy! (As most of her songs do). I can't help but celebrate when she sings "We are a chosen generation, a generation that's free!" Something about it, I just can't hold it in... I must dance! :)

If You Say Go.

Wow. It's been forever since I've blogged. I wish I could say I've been doing crazy fun summer things and that's why I haven't been posting anything, but it just isn't true! I've definitely been enjoying my time off from classes and homework though.

Anyway, this summer I've been thinking a lot about the future, which is totally fitting since I'm about to start my last year of college. I've been getting really excited just thinking about all of the possibilities that are out there, but it's also a little intimidating not knowing what you want to do! I think this year is going to call for a lot of prayer and waiting to hear what God has, but I am so excited about it! I heard a song the other day and I absolutely loved it because I think it's just really fitting for where I'm at, so I thought I'd share it!

It's called If You Say Go by Rita Springer!

If You say go, we will go

If You say wait, we will wait

If You say step out on the water

And they say it can't be done

We'll fix our eyes on You and we will come

Your ways are higher than our ways

And the plans that You have laid

Are good and true

If You call us to the fire

You will not withdraw Your hand

We'll gaze into the flames and look for You

Right now I don't know if God is calling me to go or to wait, I have no idea what I'm going to end up doing but I'm so thankful that he's a big God and that he loves me! I'm also glad I still have some summer left to enjoy and a whole year to figure all of this out! Sometimes I jump ahead of myself!

Here is a verse I read the other day that I'm sure I'll be thinking about a lot this year:

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Ask.

Today is such a beautiful day! This whole weekend, in fact, has been just perfect weather! What a great weekend to begin summer break with! I just got back from the park where I finished up my book, The Weight of Glory, and let me just say... it was such a great book! The first and last chapters were definitely my favorites! Now I need a new book to read... so leave me some suggestions if you have some! :)

I've also been continuing on in my read through the Bible in a year plan! I read Esther this morning! The main thing I feel like God showed me in the story of Esther was not only her boldness in going before the king, but the king's response to her. Even though Esther was afraid to even go before the king, he took great delight in her, and wanted to give her whatever she asked for. I feel like God has been teaching me a lot about prayer these days and showing me that we, myself included, can be really hesitant in our prayers.

When I was going through Nehemiah I listened to a couple of podcasts from when John Mark went through Nehemiah at The Way. His message about Nehemiah 2 was really good and taught me a lot! He said that one thing that is really impactful and that a lot of Christians don't know or think about is the fact that our prayers can change God's mind about things. I had been talking with my friend Eva a while back about that subject and we were never really sure how that worked or if it were even true, but it seems so in line with God's fatherly heart that it would be true. Anyway, God has been putting it on my heart to ask for bigger things from Him! Like healing for people, or salvation, or the church's vision of a "summer harvest"!

If King Xerxes took delight in giving Esther the things she asked for, how much more would our King, the God of love, delight in pouring out blessings on us! It can be scary asking God for big things though. Big things can mean that we have to "go out on a limb" we might have to do something that makes us feel uncomfortable.

But in the story Mordecai warns Esther:

"For if you remain silent at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place, but you and your father's family will perish. And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?" (4:14)

I love that God doesn't need to use us. He wants to. We just need to open our mouths and ask in faith. God didn't need Esther to save the Jews, but He chose her and blessed her because of it. James 4:2 says that we "have not, because we ask not". I don't want to be guilty of expecting too little from God, or assuming that relief will come from another place and just sitting back and letting others work for the harvest. Jesus said "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

In the last chapter of my book, called "A Slip of the Tongue", C.S. Lewis talks about this same kind of caution, he says that we have a tendency to search for the bare minimum to give and dread when that price may rise. He quoted "Have we never risen from our knees in haste for fear God's will should become too unmistakable if we prayed longer?"

There comes a point in the story of Esther that she crosses the line, completely sold out to the will of God, even to the point of risking death. She said, quite dramatically, "I will go to the king, even though it is against the law. And if I perish, I perish." That's some pretty insane faith! I pray that God will grow in me boldness like that!

I'm really excited to see what God does this summer in Corvallis. And I want to be a part of it. I think the vision of a summer harvest is right on and I can't wait to see how God will move. Now let's pray in faith for it!

Hit the Books.

Lets start finals week off right. With music! Here are a few songs to help you get your study groove on....





These aren't new songs just some that I've been loving during my many less than productive study sessions.

Hang in there, we're almost done! And then.... SUMMER!! :)

First Fruits.

"In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation."

Psalm 5:3

I've always liked the idea of giving the Lord the first fruits of my morning. I read verses like this one and feel so inspired to wake up and be refreshed by God. Instead though, I usually give the Lord the end of my day as I'm about to fall asleep and have a thousand thoughts buzzing around my head. On Sunday night I felt the Lord leading me to start my mornings out right, seeking Him!

It's been SO good! This week I have gotten up just a little bit earlier and had my devotional time before work and school and I've found that I have so much more focus in the morning! God blesses our obedience to Him, and He so desires to meet with us and fill us each morning!

God has definitely met with me through the week and has been teaching me a lot about pride. He's been showing me the different forms pride can take and also teaching me about prayer. I listened to a Matt Chandler message the other day and he was talking about how our prayers need to be "theocentric" or God centered. I've been thinking about that as I've read some of the prayers in the old testament. Prayers are so beautiful when they are centered around the glory of God! There are so many times in the Bible when it says the people humbled themselves, and then God responds.

Proverbs 3:34 says:

"He mocks proud mockers but gives grace to the humble."

I can definitely see that confirmed throughout the Bible and in my own life. God has been showing me that pride is more than just conceit. Pride can be connected to fear as well. Julia said something that fits this perfectly at small group this week. She quoted C.S. Lewis: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it's thinking of yourself less." I'm totally convicted about that. I think about myself a lot!

Sometimes I press in for wisdom from God and start out with good intentions, only to realize that I'm asking Him so persistently for selfish reasons. Sometimes I want answers so that I can protect my pride, or feel secure. That's not very "theocentric". In fact, it's very selfish.

Thankfully God is gracious. That's the best part of this lesson, God "gives grace to the humble". As He continues to teach me humility, I grow closer to Him and learn more about how to walk with Him. It's definitely a process. I think there is also a lot of freedom with selflessness. I'm not there, but I'm looking forward to learning more about how to walk in the freedom of humility!

This kind of sounds like two blog topics but I think they are kind of interconnected. By giving God the first fruits of my day He has totally blessed my week and a big part of giving Him my mornings has been coming to Him in humility and really desiring to know Him more, and not being self centered about seeking Him. I think I'm going to try and keep up with my morning devotionals and make it a regular habit!

I just have one more verse to share with you all. Micah 6:8 is one that I just love:

"He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God."

And of course I have to share a song with you all :)

I heard this one on the radio yesterday morning and was blessed by it!

Wake Up Call.

This morning the Lord woke me up at 3:30. At least I hope it was the Lord, because I certainly didn't want to be awake! I woke up with a verse ringing through my head:

"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

James 1:5

I think God put this verse on my heart because I went to bed last night feeling anxious. God woke me up because He wanted me to talk to Him about it and seek His counsel! I don't know that I was very obedient though, I said a quick prayer and rolled over and went back to sleep. Yesterday in church Pastor Rob talked about how God knows our thoughts and how that can lead to a lifestyle of communion with God. I feel like that's something God has definitely been growing in me, but sometimes I still fall short. Today I woke up and honestly had a pretty bad attitude which probably could have been avoided if I had responded to God by listening last night rather than ignoring His call!

Philippians 4:6 says:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

That verse reminds me what it should look like to live a lifestyle of communion with God. I need to be lifting my heart up to Him and waiting expectantly. God said that He would give me wisdom generously and without finding fault. That sounds like a pretty solid promise. I think one reason I didn't take the time to wait on God last night is because I doubted I would hear an answer. The end of that verse God put on my heart says:

"But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does."

James 1:6-8

At the Shasta retreat last weekend my friend Anna and I had a pretty good conversation about worries, we were mulling over the question: "is it a sin to worry?" The conclusion we came to is yes. God tells us not to worry and to cast all our cares on Him! To be anxious about anything that you have put in God's hands is like doubting that God has it under control. It's wrong. The God I serve keeps all of His promises. He has infinite wisdom. And even when He knows I'm going to roll over and ignore Him, He still wakes me up... just to talk. :)

I have never considered myself to be a MercyMe fan... until now. I really like the new album. Here's one of my favorites: